try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
