I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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