I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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