remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Randomize
