Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
