do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
A bitchslap is in order.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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