I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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