I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
okay pat passed out under dana's car
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
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Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
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My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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