we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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