T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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