you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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