Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Is it because I queefed?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
