I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
