You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
