There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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