so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
