I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
