Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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