saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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