remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
