we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm too high and old for this...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
