She went from zero to smokin in five shots
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Randomize
