i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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