I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
