what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
last night I used snow as a chaser
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
