tell your sister to shave her snatch
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
