I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
