He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
