it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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