she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i drank out of a bidet.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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