My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
