so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize