I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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