I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
