so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
