Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
did you just send me my own nude
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
