hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
