Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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