I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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