Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
