my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
