we made out on top of his cat.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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