i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
This is my gift to your gina
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
