If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
