We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Randomize
