Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
