yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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