What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
