Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
