Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Randomize
