quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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