I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
