We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
