3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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