I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
