i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
