I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize