Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
