and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
