wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
