i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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