got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
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i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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