Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
