Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
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Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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