The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
