Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
