Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
