I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
